It's Sexy Time!

Ok. Karma is a bitch. I made fun of the Mother's Day gift. Who gives their husband's daughter a cami/undie set? I laughed and told a few people and we all laughed. Then it got worse...

RAWR, Baby!

I cannot wait for the husband to get home so I can put on one of these bad boys and we can get to baby making! (I think I vomited in my mouth a little just typing that) 

Nothing says sexy quite like your wife wearing your mother's old used nighties. In what universe did she think giving me these was a good idea? I want to ask her if she ever coveted her MIL's undergarments, especially the old, used ones. 

Happy Mother's Day

MIL usually gets her daughter-in-laws a small gift for Mother's Day. Usually a hanging plant. I'm not a fan of hanging plants, but I would have rather had one, or no gift at all. Alas, no.

Cami set, from Walmart 

This is a stock photo. The one I actually received was black and floral, much sexier :wink wink nod nod: Nothing says Happy Mother's Day quite like underwear from your husband's mother.

That's what I call Easter

I'm sorry. I thought I shared this one last month, but I guess it was one of those times when I had planned to, then just figured I had, then forgot all about it.

Anyway... MIL didn't want to get the kids 'junk food' for Easter. Very thoughtful. They did receive lots of candy and really didn't need to have more. MIL also didn't want to give them 'junk toys'. No problem with me, we have plenty of chalk, bubbles, random plastic things that were once functioning toys and are now puzzles.

Easter morning after church, the girls rush home to see what their grandmother gave them for Easter. MIL had built up the suspense. They were giddy with excitement, almost bouncing in anticipation of the greatness about to be bestowed upon them. Then, they dig into the bag holding their gifts (a plastic shopping bag, of course). And the give a face of dumbfounded shock. It equally matched my own face. As what did they uncover?

Homework!

My excited 2yo and 4yo received school work books. Um... thanks? MIL gave all her grandkids homework books, I later discovered. Hey, when you have a great idea, best to let everyone enjoy it.

Could be worse

2 sets of used sheets, because the ILs "live in a small apartment". 

No reason, it's just there

Out the window

Today's gift... pointlessly high bills. I got home last night and no one was home. The TV was on. The PS3 was on. The lights were on. The heat was bumped up higher than we keep it normally during the day. But, only the dog and cat welcomed me at the door. As I was muttering about the electrical bill waste going out the window, I made my way to the bathroom. And, there it was... the heat, literally

going out the window

(PS... please ignore the ugly uncased window. It's a project I'm not sure how to finish). So anyway, there it is. Our precious oil heat flying out that open window while no one was home. So, double bonus as that window is totally reachable from the outside should anyone want to jump on in. Yay!  Oh, and why did she have the window open to begin with you ask? Because she took it upon herself to bleach all.the.things! I do have cleaner, regular non-toxic stuff I use fairly frequently. But, since it doesn't have noxious fumes like her precious bleach, I'm not really cleaning apparently.

Thank you! But, still random

Even nice gifts fall into the random category when coming from the ILs.

Over the weekend, BIL #4 came up with his fiance. This is the second time in two years their schedules have allowed them the time to come up (he's a car salesman, she's an AMAZING baby/kid/family photographer. If you know someone in the Long Island area looking for a family photog, I'll give you her details). It was a whirlwind trip, 6 hour drives each way, and only spending one night up here. They came up because BIL #1 asked if the fiance could take newborn photos of their new daughter. However, after BIL #4 drove all the way out here, BIL #1 and family aren't even in the area, and will be 'back in a few'. This turned out to mean 'in a few'... hours. At least that gave us some nice time to visit with the future married couple.

Anyway, BIL #4 came bearing Christmas gifts. Odd for one because we don't exchange Christmas gifts with adults in the ILs family. But, hey, it's the husband's family, so I just smile and nod. MIL opened her gift... a bottle of wine. A nice gift. FIL opens his gift, and it's another bottle of wine. Another nice gift. Then BIL #4 hands the husband "a gift for the family, something you can use everyday".

A fancy dancy toothbrush gizmo

So, yes. This is a VERY nice gift. It is appreciated. But, I still can't help but notice how odd. MIL and FIL get ~$10 bottles of wine, and we get this. I'm not sure how I feel about such a gift, but the husband is happy as a clam since it appeals to his love of all things gadget like. Now I'm wondering if he got these for BIL #1 and BIL #3. Although BIL #3 was there when the gift opening was being done, so I have no idea. 

ILs love to help

So, yes, most of our gifts are from the MIL, and most of these gifts are actual items. Sometimes though, just to shake things up a bit, the other ILs get in on the fun, and give us things that aren't physical things at all, but still a head-scratcher all the same.

Saturday we got a snow storm. It was predicted we'd get "a dusting to 3 inches". 6 inches of the heaviest snow of the season later, the husband and I had a fun evening together shoveling the driveway. We were hosting a party on Sunday. A combo birthday/AFC championship game party. So, snowblower or no snowblower, the driveway needed to be cleared. (our snowblower was being fixed and arrived Sunday afternoon with one of the guests of the party, figures!).

So, Sunday morning... I'm baking cupcakes, decorating the party room, changing diapers, keeping kids dressed, making mac & cheese, making chili (btw... put chili ON TOP OF mac & cheese - ah-maze-balls!!!!), doing all the normal pre-party stuff. The husband is outside with BIL. BIL showed up with his snowblower. Um... dude, it's 11AM. The party starts at 1. Yes, we have cleared the driveway by now, but thanks for thinking of us. Anyway, since he drove the snowblower all the way over to our house, he was damn sure to use it. If the driveway is clear,

snowblow the yard!

Bonus... he then had to use my car to jump start his truck, that had died, blocking the whole driveway. 

Check everywhere

I really didn't expect to have a new post so quickly. It seemed like a fairly normal gifting, for our standards anyway.

Straws and chapstick

Not bad. Not needed, but at least they were new packages of things that could reasonably be used. (the 4 year old opened that top one, it didn't come like that, this time.  

But then I went to make myself some dinner. I open the fridge and find...

4 slices of bread

Well, 4 if you count the bread butts, which only work for toast, so I'm not sure if they really count. 

It's not like we have a bread shortage in our home. I do buy one loaf a week. Apparently we needed these extra slices though... you know... just in case.

Lesson learned. Don't let your gift guard down until you've checked everywhere for new additions.

Destruction

Now, we don't just get the benefit of gifts. We also get blessed by replacements. Or, more accurately, the need for replacement.

We have a standing schedule of MIL babysitting our children one day per week. She does this out of the kindness of her heart (read: free), so we can't complain about the occasional broken item.

Some things she has broken:

The kitchen window - shattered the bottom, used duct tape, a blanket and plastic to cover the hole, and it took a week to get the replacement. Of course it had to happen in winter.

The kitchen faucet - I don't even know how she did this, but she did buy us a replacement, a year later. It was quite nice replacement though, so I'll forgive her :)

The vacuum - she somehow snapped off the part that lifts the vacuum for different pile of carpet. Well, we only have hardwood, so, eh

Various lamps - breakable things cannot be in her reach, much like my 2 year old

Clothes - add lots of bleach to one load of laundry, then immediately wash all the kids' clothes. Fun!

Pots - well, she didn't really break the pots. She did manage to get a nice pattern of cooked on elbow macaroni permanently seared into the bottom of 3 of the pots. She also turned one lid yellow. Apparently she put a pot on to boil, put the lid on the stove then walked away. When something started to stink she went back into the kitchen to discover that she turned the burner under the pot lid on, not the pot. Oops.

Sometimes I fear having her be responsible for our children. She raised her own, and they all survived, I think. Well, no one has said "Hey Mom, whatever happened to Billy?". She did leave one at an amusement park once, but that's a story for another day.

A little history

She means well. These three words will be repeated, repeatedly. She always thinks of her gifts as helping.
I can only laugh at the gifts that are bestowed upon our family. It's all so random. So crazy and odd that I was told I should start a blog to keep a record.

Unfortunately, I didn't document most of these with photographic evidence. I'm at the mercy of google images to recount some highlights of the previous items we have received.

Lets start with an oldie, but a goodie

The rutabaga 

I came home from shopping to find this sitting on my counter. I asked the husband: 

"Why is there a turnip on the counter?" (I was not aware of a difference between a turnip and a rutabaga, I am much too aware of it now) 

"My mom dropped it off". That's it, no follow up. I need more information. 

"Why?" I feel like a 3 year old

"She said you'd know what to do with it" 

I abandon trying to find out why. That apparently isn't the question to ask. I've later learned to never ask why, if an answer comes, it will make no sense. Just smile, nod and accept the gift.

PS- No one in our house eats turnip or rutabaga. Never have, never will, but at least now I know the difference between the two.


You come home from work, and open the fridge. Inside you see three cups

Condiment cups

They look similar to this. Clear plastic cup. Plastic lid with a hole for a straw. The difference - these three cups don't hold beverages. They hold condiments. Mayonnaise, mustard and ketchup to be exact. Don't ask why. It just hurts when an answer is received.

My family and I had just come home from a trip to the apple orchard. I was in the kitchen, probably cooking, or cleaning, or something not particularly important. However, out the window I see FIL drive up the driveway. MIL gets out of the passenger side, and runs up to the door. She barges into the kitchen and says "Here, these are for you. I have to go. See you later" She runs out, into the car, and FIL drives away. What amazing thing did she leave in her wake? 

four apples

If I may repeat: we had just got home from the APPLE ORCHARD. We had apples. Plenty of them. Fresh ones. Not ones with produce stickers still attached. And, why did she feel the need to make a special stop at our house to gift us these four apples? Oh wait, better not to ask.

One slice of bologna

Seriously!?!?

By this time we are very used to our 'gifts'. The husband and I just laugh, and I pass along these oddities to friends and we all get a laugh. So, it wasn't too surprising when I got home and saw one of these on the counter (in the exact same place I found the rutabaga, now that I think about it).

Blue Hubbard Squash

Do you see the size of that thing? Again, we don't eat squash, rutabaga, turnip, or any of these things. If she lived far away, she may be forgiven for not knowing this. However, this woman is at our house a minimum of 3 times per week. She helps babysit our children. She goes in our fridge and pantry. She hadn't apparently realized that no squash, rutabaga, or package of bologna has ever been allowed to enter our home on my watch.  The best part was when I looked at the squash sitting on the counter, then looked at MIL. She answered my silent question with "I didn't know what it was, but figured you did". So, she gifts us unknown produce. Fun. Thanks.

Picture this:

Cup of fruit

Now, picture this in a plastic cup. Picture that plastic cup full of fruit, but the fruit has oxidized a bit (i.e. turned brown). It's a drive-by fruit cupping. MIL pulls into the driveway and again barges in holding the plastic cup of old produce. Her only words of explanation is "here, I don't know if you could use this". She then rushes back out again. (she doesn't even grasp that we are wearing coats, and are just about to head to the same exact place she just ran out the door to get to). Oh well, just another day at our home.

She doesn't just give food, although that does seem to be the most often gifted item. Sometimes, when she's out and about, she comes across other items that she feels will benefit our family. 

Like the day she brought my 1.5 year old...

a bike horn

Because every toddler NEEDS a bike horn. 

The 4 year old couldn't be left out. 

FUGLY caterpillar shoes

Of course, like any true 4 year old, she LOVES them, and requests to wear them all.the.time! Oh, these are the actual shoes. I did get a picture of these beauties.

This is just the highlights of our gifts. There have been others, a bathmat, expired cans of soda, a can of soup, clothing items she doesn't want, but thinks maybe I do. I'll be sure to take pics and document fully future gifts.